Giving Up On Your Marriage?
All my life, I've seen people giving up on their marriage. Each came with different reasoning behind the decision.
Some gave up because they experience domestic violence within their marriage. This, for me is still an acceptable reasoning, simply because it is dangerous for the people involved within the marriage circle.
Others gave up because they think there are violations in marriage commitment. Economic conditions seems to be the dominant factor here. Personally, I think it sucks when a marriage ends due to economic reasons, simply because economic conditions go up and down in family life. You need to adjust to those conditions and support each other.
Now the biggest marriage breaker is actually a simple word with a powerful effect, COMPARE. People tend to compare their couple to other people outside of their marriage, an ex-lover for instance. This creates an imbalance situation and it will not be healthy for the marriage itself simply because your spouse will feel hurt. In some cases the hurt develops into hatred and in the long run there will be no more love and respect within your marriage.
It's fine if you want to compare your spouse. BUT, do it BEFORE you get married. When you're married DON'T EVER COMPARE your spouse. Why? Simple. Marriage is about making a lifelong commitment. It's about making a choice and accepting whatever consequences resulting out of it. Including whatever behavior your spouse might show after a certain period of time.
Sure there will be times when your spouse is the biggest pain in the ass. But then again, remember that you choose your own spouse, set aside arrange marriage cases. When you choose, you're ready with whatever the consequences are. It should have nothing to do with your parents or your spouse's parents. You two are the ones inside your marriage.
You will have good sides and bad sides in your marriage life. It's not gonna be easy in shitty times. But, as I mentioned in my facebook status a while ago, remember your good times in your shitty times, that should keep your chin up.
So what should you do if you feel like your marriage is tearing apart?
The first thing would be to discuss it openly with your spouse and when I say discuss I mean that both of you must have a say and both have to really listen to it. This, hopefully will open communication barriers and if both of you can accept things well, it can lead to better things after self reflection based on the discussion.
If the first thing did not work out then I'd suggest getting someone neutral to mediate. Parents should be off limits in this case as they tend to protect their child, thus making them not neutral. Get a marriage counselor to help you two.
If you do both steps well, I'd say that things will be better for you two.
Marriage is not just about the good parts. It's all about sad and happy times. It's about poor and rich times. It's about tears and laughter. And most of all it's about being together and caring each other till death do us part.
May you have a happy and lasting marriage.
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